


You and I, Over the Years

by hatakaashi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Childhood Friends, Happy Ending, Humor, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Relationship, fukurodani squad, i just fuckin' love the owls so much you guys pls love them too, my squad my team my everything, they are all good and pure and beautiful cinnamon rolls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-22
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-10-22 17:22:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10701615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hatakaashi/pseuds/hatakaashi
Summary: Sarukui never had 20/20 vision. But he didn’t need his glasses to see what he'd always seen.Because for all the things that Konoha was or wasn’t, he was always one thing and that was beautiful.Sarukui was never blind to that.





	You and I, Over the Years

**Author's Note:**

  * For [phantomdieb](https://archiveofourown.org/users/phantomdieb/gifts).



> I have a fuckton of feelings and headcanons about Konoha and Sarukui, so please have them all (◡‿◡✿) Kris, my darling bro, thank you for always fueling and cheering all of my Konosarus. This one's for you ♥

_“A good book has no ending.”  
― R.D. Cumming_

 

Sarukui’s always been fascinated by stories. 

He was already well traveled before even reaching the age of seven. He’d been to Middle-earth, Narnia, Wonderland. He’d been so many places already and there were so many more he wanted to go.

What he discovered, later on, is that he didn’t just want to be a traveler. He wanted to will worlds into existence, to paint a picture using only his words and imagination.

Which is why he became a writer.

 

 

~

 

 

He drifts and lazes into the bathtub, fingertips dancing over the lukewarm lilac scented surface, watching the water ripple.

He allows himself a couple more minutes of nothingness, watching the last rays of sun disappear through the bathroom window, before willing his limbs to move.

He’s been through this before, six times already. 

He remembers the first time his published book hit the stores, he wasn’t able to catch a wink of sleep, waiting for his closest ones to read it, to call him and congratulate him, telling him how much they loved it. Or - hated it. 

Of course, none of them actually said they hated it, even if they did. 

Thumbing over the glossy covers of his neatly stacked works, a fond smile on his lips, he prepares a fresh pot of coffee and sits at the kitchen table, empty notebook and pen in hand.

He knows it would be much easier if he used his laptop, for all the word counts and grammatical doubts, but he wants to keep things as authentic and real as possible, and as a true child of the 90s, relying on technology just wouldn’t sit right with him.

This is going to be his most important story, the one he would always hold closest and dearest to his heart. 

His lucky number 7. 

Chewing on the cap of his pen - a habit he was never really able to break - he takes a deep breath and tries rearranging his thoughts.

The usual way he began writing his stories was giving them a creepy setting. At night, with a storm blowing and owls hooting and rattling noises under the bed.

But this isn’t a made-up story. It’s real.

So he starts, where all stories start.

From the beginning.

 

 

~

 

 

Sarukui’s family always lived in a small two story house in the suburbs of the Kanto region, away from the metropolitan ruckus.

He was a starry-eyed kid, awaiting night time for an adventure. But that was back then, when adventure, to Sarukui, meant a bedtime story from Ma or Pa.

He never expected that the blond, sun-kissed boy that always wore mismatched socks and used obscene language, a couple of doors down the road on the left, would become a constant in his life, or even notice him, really.

Never once expected to find a best friend in that boy, either.

Years later, he still doesn’t know if the two of them would’ve become friends, if it wasn’t for Konoha’s mother, sending him over to their doorstep with a bowl of freshly picked vegetables from their garden. 

That fateful afternoon, Konoha knocked on their door and politely asked Sarukui’s mom if he could borrow her son to help him with some volunteer work he was doing. Sarukui stood shyly behind his mother’s legs and watched, terrified, as she smiled and agreed and kept repeating over and over just how wonderful she thought it was, that kids were doing volunteer work, and at such young age, too.

She all but shooed Sarukui out of their house, sending him on his merry way with a complete stranger. Okay, so he’d seen Konoha around their neighborhood, but he was still a stranger.

All because she thought Konoha seemed charming, just so charming and sweet too.

It took only twenty minutes for Sarukui to realize that the volunteer work Konoha had in mind was constructing stink bombs.

He never had any siblings of his own, while Konoha quickly filled him in with the cliff notes of his life, explaining that he had two shithead sisters that would always gang up on him. Which is why he wanted Sarukui as his partner in crime.

“What do you need me to do?” Sarukui asked.

He was too busy satiating his curiosity, exploring Konoha’s bedroom with big awed eyes, marveling over the various posters hanging from the walls, his collection of plastic green toy soldiers and hot wheels and trading Pokemon cards and McDonald's Happy Meal prizes, that he didn’t register the _snip, snip, snip_ coming from behind, until it was too late.

Sarukui grabbed at his head in shock, clutching tightly, unable to even squeak out as he spun on his heel and watched Konoha, scissors in hand, depositing the final component for his crafty stink bombs on his desk - _hair_.

“I couldn’t cut mine, you know, it’s too pretty. But yours isn’t.” Konoha shrugged and smiled in that happy half-smirk way of his, that Sarukui would later, over time, find himself falling victim to time and time yet again. “It’s alright, though, you’ve got lots of it.”

When Sarukui returned home for dinner that night, neither of his parents chose to make any remarks on his visibly patchy hair. Ma made her routine “Finish your veggies, Yamato.” comment and that was the first time he didn’t mind it, because the grated daikon radish had been the most delicious thing ever.

He felt oddly satisfied and happy that he’d made a friend.

The very first one in his life.

He did wish, though, that Ma or Pa taught him that he should never trust a pretty face.

Although, even today, knowing what he knew, he doubts the lesson would’ve took.

 

 

~

 

Before their parents enrolled them at the same school in the fall of 94’, they were already conjoined at the hip.

He often heard Ma joke that she had two boys, while Konoha’s parents referred to him and their son as “the twins”, and not the actual girls.

The trio kids from the Konoha clan didn’t just share the same blond hair, deceitful angelic faces and rude mouths, but also first names - Akinori, Akiko and Akira. Konoha always complained how stupid his parents were to name them all like that, because whenever his mother yelled out “Aki!” none of them knew which one she was addressing. Though, Sarukui never heard their mom call them that, because they were always Nori, Kiko and Kira.

When Konoha admitted, very proudly, that he’d been the one to name their Shiba Inu Akio, Sarukui laughed happily. Apples never really fall too far from the tree.

Friday nights were Tatsuta age fried chicken and Konoha always joined Sarukui’s family for those, telling both Ma and Pa how much he preferred being at their house, because his shithead sisters wouldn’t be there. Ma gasped and scolded him, because how, Nori-kun, how could you use such language, what if the girls picked it up.

To which Konoha guffawed, flashing them all a mouthful of unchewed chicken, and replied with “Mrs Sarukui, where do you think I learned that word from?”

Yeah, Konoha got his bad mouth from fighting with his two younger sisters and his favourite term of endearment for them was always shithead. But Sarukui agreed with him, his sisters were total shitheads, because Kiko and Kira always got them in trouble, blaming them with their sweet little smiles and “big brother Nori and big brother Yamato told us to say that.”

That’s how their prank wars began and their parents knew Konoha was the instigator, but Sarukui never stopped himself from following his best friend’s example, because they were gonna end up grounded anyway, might as well give it a good reason.

“If he jumped off a bridge, would you do it too?”

He never really gave Pa’s question an answer, because Sarukui didn’t think his father would appreciate the honesty behind it. 

“Only if he asked me to.”

There’s lots of stuff Konoha _did_ ask him to do, over the years, which, of course, he _did_ do, but jumping off a bridge hadn’t been one of them.

 

 

~

 

 

He always thought that parent-teacher conferences were a kids’ worst nightmare, but as he’s ruminating on all the times he had to sit at their kitchen, explaining to his parents how or why he ended up in detention, he thought that maybe, no, surely, his and Konoha’s parents both dreaded them just as much.

“Okay, but Maaaa, that was totally unfair! I got in trouble, because the teacher thought I was laughing at him, and I wasn’t even smiling!” He complained. 

But Ma and Pa were pretty lenient, because all those hours being stuck in detention helped him raise his grades even more.

Unlike Konoha.

 

 

~

 

 

When they were 9, Konoha said he was going to run away from home.

It was creeping up on two in the morning, when Konoha snuck through his bedroom window, vouching to never ever come back, because his mother had stepped over his beloved Pink Floyd vinyl.

“I dunno why she tried cleaning my room, because like, can’t she read the “Do Not Enter!” sign? She’s gonna regret it for the rest of her life, because I’m never coming back! Saru, are you coming with me or are you too chickenshit to go?”

They were blood brothers and they’d taken an oath, to always stick together no matter what.

Sarukui quickly pawed the sleep away from his eyes and without even changing out of his pyjamas, shoved his feet into a pair of shoes. 

Not wanting to be unprepared for their journey, he asked “Kono, where are we going?”

“We should head for the mountains. We could live in a cave and become like those people from your stories, Saru! It’s gonna be so cool, the two of us living as bandits! You could write a story about us!”

Admittedly it _did_ sound pretty cool. But then again Konoha _was_ cool and he only ever suggested cool things. His judgement was safe and sound. Sarukui trusted him.

While Konoha helped him pack his backpack, he tiptoed into their kitchen and took as many snacks as his hands could carry, because they needed provisions to survive in the wilderness.

Konoha cleverly played on his weakness for stories, but Konoha probably never realized that it was _him_. He’d always been Sarukui’s weakness.

 

 

~

 

 

They were too scared to venture anywhere further than the park at the end of their lane, although neither of them admitted it. They both settled for “tired” and sat on the grass, working their way through a pack of lunchables, gushers and butterfingers.

“We shouldn’t finish everything straightaway.” Konoha said, candy cigarette in hand, pretending to take a puff. “Later on, we’ll be okay, because we’ll learn how to provide for ourselves. You’ve read a lot of that stuff, right, so you’ll teach me how to hunt and fish too.”

Their planned journey was cut short, unfortunately, because Konoha got a rash from one of the thorn bushes and had to be taken into the ER. And Sarukui was there the entire time, holding his hand while Konoha got a shot, crying along with him.

Sarukui cried again when his parents took him home. Not because they were angry and lectured him for hours, do you know how scared we were, how could you do this to your mother and I, blabla, but because he discovered that Konoha had packed his favourite book for him. He never told Konoha that James and The Giant Peach was his favourite, but there it was, stuffed into his backpack.

Konoha was the bestest friend in the whole wide world. 

They both got grounded for an entire week and that was the longest time they’d gone without seeing each other.

Back then, neither of them could’ve suspected that there would be a time in the future, when they wouldn’t speak to each for years.

 

 

~

 

 

When they were 11, Sarukui had to get glasses.

“I don’t want to wear glasses, those are _so_ lame!” He whined endlessly to Ma and Pa, but only his best friend truly listened and understood him. “Kono, everyone’s gonna be calling me a geek burger!”

“Show me, Saru.”

When Sarukui put them on, Konoha remained silent, which made him feel worse, because even his best friend was speechless at how lame he totally looked.

But the next day, when Sarukui went to Konoha’s house, Konoha was wearing glasses too. He had removed the lenses from a pair of his father’s old yellow gold wire-framed ones and they looked even more terrible than Sarukui’s ones, because they sloped down Konoha’s nose all wrong.

He was so touched by his best friend not letting him look lame alone, that he sniffled all the way to school, while Konoha laughed with a “God, Saru, you’re _such_ a baby.” 

When they were having lunch at the school cafeteria, Kiko burst into tears, while Kira explained to Sarukui that “This is the first time we realized we’re cooler than our older brother.”

Sarukui grinned and objected, because despite all the geek burgers and nerdbombers the other kids called them, there was absolutely nobody cooler than their older brother.

 

 

~

 

It takes Sarukui nearly three whole months to summarize years worth of childhood memories, pouring his heart and soul into and onto paper, tear filled eyes in mirth, nostalgic, while reliving every single one of them. All the grazed knees and sleepless summer nights filled with tears and laughter and inside jokes and broken bones and the snowball fights and family picnics and birthday painted faces and all the endless games of tickle torture.

There they all were, all of it, stacked up neatly in ten separate notebooks, pages front and back.

His lungs give out an exhilarated whoosh and not caring about the ungodly hour, he calls his agent.

“Akaashi, hey! I just finished-”

There’s a loud yawn on the other side of the line.

“Give me half an hour, Sarukui-san. There better be some coffee when I get there.”

 

 

~

 

 

While he always had plenty of people encouraging him to pursue his dream, Sarukui knows his writing career wouldn’t have taken off as quickly as it had, had it not been for Akaashi’s help.

The two of them go way back, from their high school days together. Akaashi was a year younger, but he graduated summa cum laude and fresh out of university, it only took a couple of years to not just make a fortune, but more importantly, a name for himself.

Sarukui, as a freelance writer, didn’t have a lot of opportunities knocking at his door, but when it _did_ , it was Akaashi, offering to represent him as his publishing agent.

He never really knew if it’d been their friendship that made Akaashi take a chance on him, but he’ll always be eternally grateful for everything Akaashi did, keeps doing for him. 

It’s true that Akaashi’s commission is ridiculously high, but when they first started working together, Akaashi gave him a promise to not take a single coin out of his earnings, not until Sarukui made his very first million. 

Of course, Sarukui hadn’t taken him for real, back then, and laughed in his face. 

“Sarukui-san, I’m not here to fuck around. I’m here, because you have a _real_ talent and I’d love to represent you. If you don’t think I could do that, then please say so, because there’s nothing I hate more than wasting my time.”

Afterwards, Sarukui signed the contract papers faster than lightning, not even bothering to read over them, because to him that was just a formality. 

Akaashi faultlessly believed in him and his talent, funding his writing with money straight out of his own pocket and it took blood, sweat and tears from the both of them, but it paid off. They cried tears of joy, cried so very much, hugging and clutching at each other, transferring them both all the way back to their high school days together, after a volleyball win. 

Akaashi popped a champagne bottle and toasted to Sarukui’s success, both of them drinking themselves into terrible headaches the next day, but that hadn’t mattered. There’d been no better feeling to Sarukui than sharing his success with an old friend. Not his oldest one, but an old one nonetheless. 

 

 

~

 

Akaashi brings a big, greasy breakfast for the both of them, but that’s the extent of his graciousness. He never allows Sarukui to slack off with his deadlines, which is why, as he sips his coffee and stuffs his face with bacon muffins, keeps reading over Sarukui’s notes, red pen ready at the hand. 

Sarukui patiently waits, hopeful, for Akaashi’s verdict. 

“I think… I think this is your best work yet.” Akaashi replies, pressing his lips into a small smile. “You keep writing everything like this, that’s fine, but here’s the thing. Before I can take this in for printing, you’ve got to change the names. You have to use pseudonyms.” 

"What?! Why?” 

“Sarukui-san, when you told me you wanted to write a memoir, the first thing I did was call my attorney. I’ve gone over this with him multiple times, but,” He shakes his head. “Real names are off limits. Unless you wanna be facing a lawsuit, and you know I can’t allow that to happen.” 

“You think he would _sue_ me?” Sarukui blinks. “For what, writing the truth about my life?” 

“Technically, _I_ would be the one getting sued, not you. And no, I don’t think Konoha-san would, but his family might.” 

“They wouldn’t do that.” 

“Well, I’m not willing to take that chance. You’re not the only client I represent and if it’s all the same to you, I’d like to keep my record clean.” Akaashi says harshly. “Look, Sarukui-san, I don’t wanna be the bad guy here, okay? I’ve always given you as much creative freedom as you’ve needed, which is why you won’t hear me complaining that I have to do all your editing the old fashioned way.” He gives him a sympathetic pat. “I’m sorry. I know how much you wanted to keep everything real, but.” He sighs. “Business is business and my hands are tied here.” 

“What if- what if he himself gave me permission? That would work, right?” 

Akaashi stares at him long and hard, arms akimbo. 

“It would. But you have to speak to Konoha-san.” 

“Or you could do it for me?” 

“No.” Akaashi’s tone signifies it’s not up for discussion. Their conversation is over. “I’ll bring your notes back in a few weeks. Give me a call if you need anything.” 

He hums an absentminded nod. 

When Akaashi leaves, he’s buzzing with energy to get started on the next chapter. Doesn’t matter it’s day time and he hasn’t slept in days, probably, he feels ready to work. 

He’s gonna be writing about his adolescent years, which is why he makes a switch from caffeine to hard liqueur. 

He can’t relive all that sober, no fuckin’ way. 

Not even close.

And besides, the whole point is to keep his story real. And during the teenage years of his life, his memory couldn’t possibly muster up a time he _wasn’t_ under the influence. 

 

 

~

 

 

“Saru, man, we should say goodbye to our days as dorks.” Konoha said at the beginning of September, like he did every year. “Starting tomorrow, we’re gonna be cool as fuck. That’s what high school’s all about.”

Sarukui silently nodded in agreement, as always. 

 

 

~

 

 

Their Friday and Saturday night ritual was gluing themselves in front of the TV and waiting for Raw is War and Smackdown, because that’s what all the cool kids did, watching wrestling. 

Despite the warnings of “Do not try this at home”, during one of their playful bouts of wrestling in Sarukui’s bedroom, Sarukui added more pressure into his headlock and Konoha actually lost consciousness, scaring him shitless. 

But like a real trooper, Konoha just opened his eyes and asked “Saru, man, how long was I out?” 

“Whole two minutes probably. I don’t know, maybe less.” 

“Weak.” Konoha laughed. “Let’s try it again!” 

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ, Kono, what are you trying to do here, give me a heart attack at the ripe old age of fifteen?” Sarukui asked, wiping at his cheeks and chin. “Don’t worry, nearly happened.” 

Konoha gave him what he knew was his disarming smile and Sarukui couldn’t find it in his heart to say no. Whenever Konoha flashed his pearly whites and pleading eyes, Sarukui lost his better judgement, though he probably never had any of it to begin with, not when Konoha was involved, at least. 

And Konoha was always involved. 

They ended up going into the ER, because Konoha needed to get four stitches over his right eyebrow. The doctor hummed Stairway To Heaven under his breath and then explained that his wife was a modeling agent and she would be interested in Konoha. 

So, the battle scar that Konoha added to his repertoire wasn’t the only thing he got that night, but also a sweet modeling deal. 

Even today, whenever Sarukui saw a commercial on TV or a billboard with Konoha on it, he wondered if Konoha still kept repeating to people, proudly, that it was his best friend that got him into modeling in the first place. 

 

 

~

 

 

“Saru, man, here’s what I’m thinking.” Konoha said. He was flipped over onto his belly in one of Sarukui’s beanbags, while leafing through the latest issue of Batman. “We should totally join a school club and become popular. Chicks absolutely dig that shit.”

Sarukui considered his words carefully. Thanks to Konoha’s sisters, they were both excellent at dodging things, like hairbrushes and makeup kits, flying at them with high velocity. There was also all the times they helped Kiko and Kira get better at soccer, the four of them playing girls vs boys in their backyard. The girls always _did_ kick their asses, but that wasn’t because they sucked. The Konoha twins were just _that_ much better at kicking the goddamn ball. 

“Which club should we join?” 

“I’m thinking the volleyball one. Wanna know why?” 

“Why?” 

“Because one of their managers is also a first year and she’s a girl. A _really_ cute girl.”

It never really stopped surprising Sarukui, over the years, just how differently their minds worked. 

But what he said was “Sure. Yeah, Kono, let’s do that. Let’s join the volleyball club.” 

 

 

~

 

 

“Saru, man, do you think I should change my hair?” Konoha whispered during double Literature on Wednesday. 

Sarukui was taking notes like crazy and only offered a quiet “Huh?” 

“Asshole, are you even listening to me? Bokuto’s got really cool hair.” 

Sarukui snorted. “Yeah, Bokuto certainly thinks so.” 

“Komi’s undercut is really cool, too, don’t you think?” 

“I think…” He chewed on the cap of his pen thoughtfully. “I think if Komi put his hair up the same way Bokuto does it, he’d look taller.” 

Konoha covered his mouth and snickered. Sarukui always _did_ feel proud when he was able to make him laugh. 

The hair discussion continued in Geography class. 

“What about a fohawk? I could pull it off, right?” 

“You _could_.” Sarukui said, settling for something safe. 

“So should I do it?” 

“If that’s what you want.” 

“Well, would _you_ like it?” 

Konoha waited for his answer and gave him such a look, like Sarukui’s opinion was the most important thing in the world for him. 

He felt overwhelmed, truthfully, which is why he couldn’t even begin to say what he thought, what he’d always thought, because the fact was that it didn’t matter what Konoha’s hair looked like, not really, not to him at least. Because Konoha was _so_ much more than that. 

He never lied to Konoha, which is why he replied with an honest. “Of course I would.” 

 

 

~

 

 

Konoha was always the coolest to him, so it didn’t really surprise Sarukui, when the rest of the student body at Fukurodani kept up with Konoha’s trend setting. 

Konoha went through every single change a teenager could possibly go through and each one only lasted a week or two, tops. 

There was the rapper phase, when Konoha listened to nothing but Eminem, wearing jeans and tshirts two sizes baggier. 

Then there was also the reggae phase, when Konoha refused to listen to anything that wasn’t Bob Marley and the Wailers, asking Sarukui if he thought dreadlocks would suit him. Being high as a kite became a regular thing for the both of them. Perched up on the roof of Konoha’s house when his parents were away for the weekend, passing a fat blunt between their fingers, that shit rocked. It was cool. 

To be fair, Konoha never pressured him into trying anything, ever, and he only stuck to pot, while Sarukui picked up smoking. Helped him with school stress and concentrating. 

The longest one was the emo phase, and good God, that was _so_ awful. Konoha wore a fake lip ring, that kept switching sides every other day, but he swore to everyone that would listen that it was totally real. There was also lots of black eyeliner involved too - borrowed from his sisters - and checkered Vans. But the worst thing was the emo music. Sarukui felt like an old man, sixteen-going-on-sixty, because to him, the things Konoha listened to weren’t actual music, but just loud screeching noises. 

Of course, it was his job, as a true best friend to support Konoha’s various interests. And he actually developed a genuine fondness of the way Konoha started to style his hair, bangs over his eyes. He didn’t know if Konoha could actually see with that thing, but it suited him. 

And the hairdo went through some evolution - undeniable upgrades - but it’s the only memento from his emo days that Konoha kept over the years. 

 

 

~

 

 

During volleyball practice in their second year, Konoha got himself a new nickname. Jack of All Trades. 

He hated it with passion. 

Then again, he always hated _all_ of his nicknames. 

Aki-kun. Aki-chan. Nori-kun. Nori-chan. Beady-eyed-fucker. Fox-face. Hyena. 

The only one that actually took was Sarukui’s “Kono”. And Sarukui was the only one allowed to call him that. 

That’s best friend privilege for you, thank you very much. 

 

 

~

 

 

Whenever a few days pass and Akaashi doesn’t hear from him, he likes to come around to make sure everything is alright. He’s a good friend like that. 

This one time, Akaashi rang and rang, to no reply, and he banged on Sarukui’s door for God knows how long. Akaashi was so worried that he actually called the fire department Bokuto worked at and Bokuto kicked his front door down. Sarukui missed the whole thing, sound asleep over his notes, phone on mute. 

Learning from his mistake, he gave Akaashi spare keys to his house so he could let himself in whenever he pleased. 

“Good God, Sarukui-san, it’s _so_ stuffy in here. When was the last time you had some fresh air?” Akaashi marches around his house, opening windows and picking up overfilled ashtrays and dirty cups and plates. He disposes them into the dishwasher in the kitchen and proceeds with tidying up. 

“Akaashi, you don’t have to do that.” Sarukui protests sleepily from his chair. “I’ll do it.” 

“When? Next year?” Akaashi snorts. “Sarukui-san, why don’t you go upstairs and take a shower, while I cook us some dinner?” 

A shower. He doesn’t remember the last time he had one of those, but as he gives a sniff at his tshirt, he can’t deny the unmistakable stink of cigarettes and his own skin. 

Poor Akaashi had to put up with slobby ass Bokuto all the way through high school and now he has him. 

“Uh, I haven’t really gotten around to do any grocery shopping.” Sarukui mutters, lifting up his glasses and rubbing at his bleary eyes. At least he has the decency to feel embarrassed by the lack of care of himself. 

“Honestly, Sarukui-san, what kind of a rookie do you take me for?” Akaashi holds a couple of plastic bags Sarukui hadn’t noticed him carry in. “I’ll never understand what is the deal with you writers, you and your self-destructive ways.” 

He feels almost human when he comes back downstairs, the cool night breeze from all the wide open windows rushing through his head. He gasps as he looks around his house. 

Akaashi kept himself busy tidying, polishing, vacuuming and spraying air freshener in every room. And he can hear the churning _krrr_ noise his washing machine is making, which means Akaashi did his laundry for him too. 

“Wow.” He gives a low whistle. “I never knew my contract involved you being my maid. Then again you _should_ be my maid, with that commission of yours? What do other agents get?” 

“You shouldn’t lump me in with those guys, come on!” Then. “The fixed rate is usually 20%.” 

“Oh dear God.” He clutches his heart in pretend horror. “Akaashi, you have _no_ shame.” 

“Sarukui-san, I made you a millionaire.” 

“Yeah, and had it not been for your 45% I could’ve been a billionaire.” 

“Well, you can always keep your dreams, those are for free.” 

Sarukui laughs. “You’re the best damn agent in the entire world, Akaashi.” 

“I didn’t do all your housework, because I’m your agent, Sarukui-san, but because I'm my friend. You know that.” 

“Yeah, I know that.” He gives Akaashi a grateful pat on the back. “Thanks, buddy. You’re always spoiling me.” 

“You’ve been working really hard, you deserve to be spoiled. Now, come on, the food’s getting cold. And you sure look like you could eat a home-cooked meal.” 

 

 

~

 

 

After dinner, Akaashi insists on being the angel - no, the right word for it would be neat freak - that he is and tidying up the rooms upstairs, while Sarukui lounges over his sofa, flicking through the TV channels. 

“Hey, Akaashi! Why don’t you come down, Dennis the Menace is on!” 

“I’m good, thanks!” 

Sarukui’s always been a sentimental sap, which is why he always has to wipe at his eyes when watching Dennis the Menace or Home Alone, the resemblance between the famous blond troublemakers and his best friend uncanny. 

Losing himself in the movie and a bundle of memories, he doesn’t notice Akaashi’s presence until he blocks the TV, demanding for his attention. 

“Sarukui-san, I hope you don’t mind that I took the liberty of throwing away all your junk mail that had piled over your floor.” 

“I don’t.” 

“I wasn’t snooping or anything, but I found this and I’m not quite sure what to do with it.” Akaashi holds out a cream colored envelope with beautifully emblazoned cursive font in his hand. 

He feels like Akaashi sucker punched him in the heart. 

“You didn’t even open it.” Akaashi’s voice isn’t accusing, but soft and gentle. 

“Nah.” Sarukui shrugs. “I knew it was coming, though.” 

“Konoha-san was really happy to see your parents there.” Akaashi doesn’t mention his not being there, but it hangs in the air loudly. Deafeningly. 

“Yeah. Yeah, of course, I knew that.” He presses his lips into a smile he practiced in the mirror for whenever the topic came up so long that it actually began to fool even him. 

 

 

~

 

 

If Sarukui was looking closely, he probably would have noticed all the telltale signs. The hair teasing, the giggles, the touches and slaps on his arm, the pieces of his favourite banana cream pie, carefully wrapped in tinfoil, that showed up inside his locker and the small scented cards attached to them, signed with nothing but a puckered, lipsticked mouth. 

But he never did, not closely, at least not _there_. 

After their first home game of the season, Kiko and Kira joined them in the locker rooms, and, unwillingly, Konoha made all the introductions. 

“Yama-kuuun!” Kira hugged him, not caring in the least of just how gross and sweaty he was. “You - you were _magnificent_ out there!” 

“Kira!” Konoha said, face murder-red. She practically waved a “I heart Sarukui Yamato” banner their entire game. “Get the _fuck_ outta here! Now!” 

There was a string of teasing that followed, directed at both Konoha and Sarukui, a choir of different yet all the same “Duuude, could your sister’s crush be _any_ more obvious?” and “Yo, Saruman, when’s the wedding?”. 

When they walked out into the parking area, Konoha gave him a pained look, accompanied with a “Oh God, Saru, man, I’m so sorry about that, I don’t even know what the fuck.” 

“What do you mean?” Sarukui asked. 

“Kira’s just - she’s such a fuh-reak!” Konoha pressed a finger gun to his temple and pretended to blow his brains out. 

Sarukui didn’t enjoy hearing that his best friend thought his sister having a crush on him made her a freak. Because what did that even fucking mean, that nobody in their right state of mind would be interested in him, was that it? 

But instead, he settled for a sneery “LOL!” and laughed obnoxiously. 

 

 

~

 

 

“Oh, shit, I forgot.” Konoha said, while Washio, Bokuto, Komi and Sarukui hunched together on his bedroom floor, working on their science project. “Mooom! Put an extra plate for dinner, Saru’s spending the night!” 

“Of course, honeypie, of course!” Mrs Konoha yelled back. 

Kira sashayed into the room with a tray full of cookies and milk, _pop pop_ popping her bubble gum, not oblivious, but disinterested in the way Komi, Bokuto and Washio were all ogling her long summer kissed legs in the mini skirt she was wearing. 

“Wow, I really like your cherry, Kira.” Komi said and innocently pointed at her belly button ring, but that still didn’t stop Konoha from looking like he was ready to kill. 

Komi might have been a mute for all the acknowledgement Kira gave him. Her entire attention was on Sarukui and Sarukui alone. 

“Yama-kun, I know how much you like coffee, would you like me to make you some?” She asked, while avoiding his gaze, cheeks full of color to match candy apples. 

“No, thank you, I’m good. Nice shirt, by the way.” Sarukui nodded at her shredded crop top that left very little to the imagination, but unlike the rest of the crew, he was interested what was _on_ it and not _beneath_ it. “I didn’t know you like The Cure.” 

“Oh my god, they’re only like, my favourite band!” Kira gushed. 

“Tchhh! Don’t listen to my lying shithead sister, Saru, man, she’s only saying that, because they’re _your_ favourite.” Konoha sneered. “Hey, sis, I’ll give you my entire allowance for the week if you can name one song by The Cure. Just one.” 

Kira, completely unabashed, flipped both her hair and middle fingers at her brother, before walking out the door and yelling. “Moooom! Nori just told his friends I’m a slut!” 

“Nori! Downstairs! Right now!” 

 

 

~

 

 

“Fuck, Kono, stop apologizing about your sister already! That shit’s old, like who cares?” 

“It’s just- Kira’s _so_ fucking obvious, man. You should just tell her to fuck off, because she doesn’t listen to me! She just keeps being annoying as fuck!” Konoha groaned. “Sighing after your ass everywhere you go, how can you stand that shit, man?” 

“I don’t know. She’s not even that bad.” Sarukui shrugged. “I mean, your sister’s kinda cute. They both are. What? Oh, come on, Kono, like you don’t have working eyes.” 

“You have such shitty taste in girls, man, holy fuck.” Konoha scrunched up his nose. 

Sarukui wondered if Konoha would be singing the same tune if he was talking about his taste in guys. 

Well. No. Not guys. Just this one. 

But he would never in a million years ask. 

 

 

~

 

 

Sarukui was flicking boredly through a car mag - he never really got hooked on cars the way Konoha did - when he felt Konoha’s eyes on him, shooting laser beams into the back of his head. 

"Saru, man, you know who I think’s a total babe?” 

“Who?” 

“Your mom, man. You reckon your dad gives it to her often?” 

“Kono!” 

Konoha smirked. He was excellent at finding the Sarukui buttons he always found and pushed. Nothing malicious, just happy. 

He hopped off his bed and grabbed his crotch right in Sarukui’s face, cackling. 

“It’ll be such a waste if your dad doesn’t bone her every day. I’d totally offer my services, you know, ‘cause who doesn’t like an experienced cougar!” 

“Oh holy shit - gross! Kono, you’re such a pig!” Sarukui swatted at him and laughed, about to puke. 

"She could even call me _daddy_ if-” 

Sarukui clocked Konoha right in the stomach, shutting him up real nice. Konoha fell on top of him, shrieking, and they tried strangling each other in nothing but their underwear, roaring in laughter. 

It was just another regular school night at the Konoha household. 

 

 

~

 

 

The next day during lunch hour Konoha whistled with his fingers and the guys all crowded around Sarukui. He sat and listened to them sing him a rough, out of tune version of Stacy’s Mom that included a lot of lewd extras that Sarukui didn’t recall being in the original. 

“Saru’s mom has got it goin’ on! Saru’s mom has got it goin’ on!” 

Bokuto’s chopsticks were hitting all the glasses and Komi held his leg up as if it was a guitar and he was in the zone, totally nailing that sick guitar riff. 

Sarukui always knew his classmates were morons, just like him, but it was surprising to see that even Akaashi combined forces with Kono, Komiyan, Bo and Tatsu. To be fair, Konoha was always good at orchestrating shit like that and Sarukui could only guess that his best friend promised Akaashi a free lunch. Maybe not, though, Akaashi wasn’t naive. It was probably the whole if-you-can’t-beat-them-join-them. 

Of course, they all got written up for causing ruckus in the school cafeteria and during detention, they did an encore of Saru’s Mom. 

“None of you guys are allowed anywhere near my house. Or my mom.” Sarukui warned with a finger and then pointed it at Konoha. “Especially you.” 

 

 

~

 

 

Nobody was more excited than Konoha for their school trip. He rambled on and on, for months, how _cool_ it was, that they’d be hitting Hakuba’s slopes together. 

Sarukui was an okay skier, not exceptional, but he still followed Konoha’s lead into the powdered snow, laughing at all of his best friend’s excited and triumphant “Whooo!”s, poles and hands extended as if he wanted to embrace the world. Fucking adrenaline junkie. 

Ironically enough, Sarukui twisted his ankle on their walk back to the hotel, slipping on the ice. 

“Bokuto challenged you to a meat war.” Sarukui said. 

“So?” 

“So you should go and kick his ass, for the both of us.” 

“Mehhhh. Maybe some other time.” 

“All the others are at the barbecue.” 

When Konoha gave a noncommittal grunt, Sarukui tried a different approach. 

“Shirofuku’s probably there.” 

“Be surprised if she wasn’t.” 

“We don’t have to do _everything_ together.” 

“Alright, Saru, man, let me just stop you right there, ‘cause this is my room too, you know!” 

“C’mon, Kono, we both know how much you were looking forward to being here with everyone. I don’t want you to regret missing out on all the fun by being stuck here with me.” 

“What the fuck did you just say to me?” Konoha asked, nostrils flaring. He was furious. “Didn’t you ever stop and think that what I was looking forward to was spending more time with you? ‘Cause that’s what I’m trying to do here, man, but you’re not fucking letting me. You think I’m gonna regret being here with you? Fuck you, asshole!” 

Sarukui swallowed the emotional lump lodged in his throat. 

“I don’t think it’s a crime that I wanna be with my best friend. But if that’s what _you_ think, well, sorry, Saru, man, so fuckin’ sorry. You can kiss my fucking ass!” 

Konoha’s vocabulary and his form of expression were as crude as ever. And the more he swore, the more he cared. 

The love they shared for each other was worlds away and galaxies apart, Sarukui was all too aware of that. 

But love was love and in a way, that was the closest thing he ever got to an “I love you” confession from Konoha. 

 

 

~

 

 

Konoha was too mad to even look at him, which is why he dramatically slammed the door with a “Goin’ for a walk!” to blow off some steam. 

Sarukui was okay with that, because he already had a plan for the perfect peace offering. A boring ass apology wasn’t it, of course, no, not with them, never. Because words were cheap. Action was what always mattered. 

 

 

~

 

 

“Kono, how was your walk?” 

“It was fuckin’ good, man, real good. It cleared my head, so now I feel alive.” Konoha shrugged off his jacket and sat cross legged on the floor. “You know what I feel like doing?” 

“Tell me.” 

“I feel like doing something stupid.” 

“Like what?” 

“I found a market that sells booze not too far from here, so I could go buy some. Then we can get piss drunk and we could start a fight or something! Our third year volleyball players have been pissin’ me off so much lately.” 

Great minds really _did_ think alike. 

And best friends, best friends too. 

“Tell you what, Kono.” Sarukui limped his way into their bathroom and returned with two glasses. He sat across Konoha and pulled his backpack into his lap, taking out an array of tiny liquor bottles and placing them on the floor all around them. “I’ll pour you a drink first, and I’ll fight you later.” 

“Holy fuck! Did you get all this shit from our minibar?!” Konoha gawped. 

“Of course not. Because then _we_ would have to pay for it. No, no, no. I took them from the rooms of all the people that have wronged us in some way.” He listed the people off his fingers. “All the volleyball third years for not taking us seriously. Komi and Washio, because they always flirt with your sisters. Akaashi, because he took the Vice Captain position, and I know how much you wanted it-” 

“I actually don’t mind that Akaashi made Vice Captain.” 

“Well, whatever.” He shrugged. “Guess he just got caught in the crossfire for being Bokuto’s roommate. Payback for all of the dejected modes.” 

“But… I thought the teachers took the keys from all the minibars? They said so when we got here.” 

“You’d be surprised what a guy with lots of time on his hands and a bobby pin could do.” Sarukui grinned. “Bet you’re real glad now I never told Kira to fuck off, huh?” 

Konoha threw his head back and laughed. 

“Wow. Just wow. The student has become the master.” Konoha clapped and pretended to wipe at his eyes in mirth. “Saru, man, I’m so fuckin’ proud of you.”

“Well, Kono, you always _were_ a great Sensei.” Sarukui offered his glass up. “To best friends.” 

“To us, man.” Konoha agreed, clinking. 

 

 

~

 

 

They didn’t get to fight, at least not that night, because they were too busy executing the first part of the plan, right down to the T. 

“I’m _so_ hating myself tomorrow morning, Kono. But on the bright side, my foot doesn’t hurt anymore.” He said happily. 

“Yo, Saru! Concentrate here, man!” Konoha slapped him across the face with the newspaper in his hand, making his glasses fly out of reach. “Hah!” 

“Please give those back if you want me to see anything.” 

Konoha tried them on, tipping Sarukui’s glasses up the bridge of his nose. “God, Saru, you’re so fuckin’ blind, man.” 

Admittedly, Sarukui never had 20/20 vision. But he didn’t need his glasses to see what he had always seen. 

Because for all the things that Konoha was or wasn’t, he was always one thing and that was beautiful. 

Sarukui was never blind to that. 

“Fine, don’t give them back, but please _do_ take them off, before you get a headache.” 

“Don’t you worry, Saru, man, I’ll get that headache tomorrow morning.” Konoha grinned, while removing the glasses. He carefully folded the frames and placed them somewhere on top of the desk. “C’mon, you don’t need them now. I’ll read the words out for you.” 

Sarukui wondered how it was entirely possible for him to get so fixated on the golden grains of intractable sand glittering in Konoha’s eyebrows. He also wondered how Konoha’s eyelashes didn’t get tangled up whenever he blinked or how they could affect him as much as they did. 

Some of the girls at Fukurodani were real mascara addicts, but the comparison was almost laughable. He wasn’t biased. There was just no room for it. 

Sarukui was already having trouble concentrating, but when Konoha rested his head on his shoulder, it was game over. It wasn’t the effect of the alcohol that made him feel trippy. It was the smoothness of Konoha’s skin against his, the apple scented shampoo filling his nostrils, the strands of hair tickling his chin. 

“Four letters, second is U.” Konoha drummed his fingers against Sarukui’s cheek. “Any guesses?” 

“I’m thinking.” Sarukui mumbled, unable to actually think. 

Konoha screeched out a deafeningly loud buzzer noise, right into his ear, before yelling. “Time’s up! You lose, Saru, man. You fuckin’ lose!” 

“Well, what was the prize?” 

“How about this?” 

Konoha clambered over until he got Sarukui on his back, straddling his stomach and holding Sarukui’s hands down with his own. The half smirk and the mischievous gleam in Konoha’s eyes were making Sarukui’s pulse echo inside his head. 

“Kono, what are you-” was all Sarukui could get out before Konoha was kissing him completely quiet. 

 

 

~

 

 

Sarukui sunk his hands wrist deep into Konoha’s shiny thick hair, tangling his fingers in, and he felt Konoha’s tongue slide against his bottom lip and then right on it, soft and rough at the same time, like a question. _Can I please?_

Konoha could. Anything Konoha wanted, he could. 

Kissing Konoha was everything and nothing like Sarukui imagined it would be, simply because he never thought it possible. Sarukui’s belly clenched with pent up hunger and need and want and it was so overwhelming, because Konoha was kissing him - _him_ \- and his face suddenly felt really, really hot. 

“Hey. Hey, Saru.” Konoha said, voice raw and slightly out of breath. “Saru, man, your face is wet. Why’s your face - are you _crying_?” 

He wasn’t even aware that he was. 

“I, uh-” Sarukui cleared his throat. It was kind of hard to process thoughts with Konoha’s warm weight on top of him, his demanding eyes. He ran his fingers over the exposed satin skin of Konoha’s lower back. “It’s just my ankle. Kinda hurts.” 

Who knew he could lie so smoothly, effortlessly, in his best friend’s face? Certainly not him. 

“Aw, shit, that was me, wasn’t it? Sorry, man, didn’t mean to. Guess I’ll just have to be more gentle. Just kidding.” Konoha stuck his tongue out, before latching his lips onto Sarukui’s neck. 

“Kono. Ko- oh God.” Sarukui closed his eyes and shuddered. He was so hopelessly turned on that he couldn’t brain. Konoha went still and cut a quick look at him, like he was doing something wrong, when, in fact, he was doing everything right. “No, don’t stop. Please don’t stop.” 

Sarukui was all kinds of wet and hard inside his boxers and Konoha kept biting his neck like a starved, wild animal and he panted in Sarukui’s ear like this whole thing was turning him on too. 

“Oh.” Sarukui gasped, again and again, and when he felt Konoha’s hand graze against his crotch, it was so much, it was just too fucking much. 

He couldn’t help his excitement. 

“Shit, Saru, man, really?” Konoha’s nose pressed against the side of Sarukui’s face and he laughed softly. “I’m goddamn amazing.” 

Sarukui probably should’ve felt really fucking embarrassed from blowing his load over a little bit of neck kissing and a touch that was barely there, but he wasn’t, not at all. 

As if he wasn’t already idiotically in love with his best friend, Konoha just _had_ to go there. 

 

 

~

 

 

Two days. Two days passed since he came in his pants. 

His mind had been a hazy thing, clouded from all the alcohol and Konoha, and he wondered if he made the entire thing up in his head. 

But his reflection in the mirror was proof that it _was_ real, that it _had_ actually happened. Konoha’s passionate lips had marked him seven times, he counted, seven purple hickeys. 

He wore a scarf for two whole weeks, and while Ma only offered tea whenever she saw him going around the house all bundled up, Coach wasn’t as sympathetic and didn’t accept him on the court without removing the damn thing. 

“Wow.” Komi whistled. “Didn’t know vampires still existed in the 21 century.” 

“The more you know.” Washio waved his hand like a rainbow. 

“Pretty sure there’s a bloodsucker that lives and breathes not just anywhere in Tokyo, but in Konoha’s house.” Bokuto grinned. 

Well, for all of his faults, Bokuto always _did_ have mad good intuition. But his assumptions were wrong, just like everyone else’s, because they all thought it was one of the Konoha girls. 

As if the teasing words weren’t enough, Yukie made an actual garlic necklace and put it around Sarukui’s neck. 

“Thanks, Yuks.” He smiled, because he knew how to take a joke from the crew. And he also knew how to make one of his own. “I’m really touched you were able to make that for me without eating it.” 

Everyone laughed and laughed, but nobody was louder than Konoha. 

 

 

~

 

 

Sarukui decides to give himself a little break from writing when Akaashi goes on his summer holiday. 

His home phone rings and he runs downstairs to get it. 

“Hey, Ma.” He pants. He really _has_ let himself go, out of breath from just a flight of stairs? Shit. 

“What were you doing, honey, running a marathon?” 

“Nah, just chasing leprechauns in the garden.” 

“Oh, that’s nice, dear.” Ma says and he chuckles. She doesn’t even question him. Probably thinks he’s doing research, even though he’s never even hinted at fantasy in any of his books. “I’m calling to remind you it’s your father’s birthday tomorrow.” 

Fuck. He completely forgot. “Yeah, I knew that.” He replies matter-of-factly. 

“We were thinking of going out for a nice family dinner. Would you be able to join us?” 

“Yeah, sure.” 

“If you’re too busy with work, you don’t have to-” 

“No, Ma, don’t worry, I can squeeze it in my schedule.” Yeah, his busy schedule of staying in bed, watching crap TV and eating nothing but cereal. “Do you want me to make a reservation at Pa’s favorite restaurant?” 

“Oh, that’d be great, honey.” 

“How’s 8?” 

“8 is perfect. Your father and I’ll be so happy to see you. It’s been a while.” 

“Yeah, Ma, me too. See you and Pa tomorrow.” 

“See you, honey.” 

He sends a quick text message to Akaashi and he’s not surprised in the least when his mobile rings a few minutes later. 

“Having trouble with the writing, Sarukui-san?” 

“No, not at all, relax.” He laughs. “I just wanted to ask how’s Aruba?” 

“Oh? Oh, it’s incredible, thank you for asking.” Silence. “You looking for a holiday destination?” 

“Mmm.” 

“In dire need of it?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Well, would you mind waiting for me to get back before booking it, because there’s no way you’re getting a break until you’re-” 

“Akaashi, take a deep breath and relax. It’s not for me. Pa’s birthday’s tomorrow and I think my parents would really enjoy going on a holiday somewhere abroad.” 

“Well aren’t you a generous and good son.” 

“I try my best.” He laughs. “So, would you recommend it?” 

“Definitely.” 

“Alright, thanks, Akaashi. Oh, wait, wait! I read somewhere that their mud crab is really good.” 

“It’s actually chilli mud crab.” Akaashi corrects him and he smiles. Of course Akaashi would know, he’s always been a foodie. “And it’s so delicious.” 

“Right. Gotcha. Well. Thanks again. Enjoy your holiday.” 

“Sarukui-san, call if you’re struggling with-” 

He hangs up. He could always blame it on bad reception. 

 

 

~

 

 

August brings a lot of bright long evenings and beautiful morning sunrises, and Sarukui gets to enjoy quite a few of each, peacefully. 

Swinging a foot lazily off the hammock in his backyard, cigarette and Corona as company, he hums along the soft jazz instrumental music coming from inside. 

Three years in a row Fukurodani voted him _kindest_ in the yearbook superlatives, but he was never kind to either his liver or his lungs. Especially not these days. 

He closes his eyes and his mind wanders to its shadowy depths, where he keeps memories of all things gone wrong, disappointments, bad calls and mistakes. There’s just so many to pick from, but at least some taught him a thing or two along the way. Maybe. 

Unfortunately, August's bright sunny days don’t bring Sarukui any progress with his writing, despite all of Akaashi’s nudging. Writer’s block is a real thing and it’s a tough bitch to get over. 

“I cleaned my house and weeded the garden. Did my grocery shopping and laundry, talked to my parents, went to the bank, showered, cooked.” 

“Great story, Sarukui-san, can I publish it?” 

“Nice.” He snorts into his phone. “Tell me, Akaashi, how the fuck did I do so much shit before, without feeling completely drained? I mean, when we were back at school, I was able to get up really early, attend classes, pay attention, take notes, maintain a high GPA, play volleyball, go home and do my homework, help around the house and then go out and socialize.” He groans. “God, being a fully functioning adult sure is tiring.” 

“I’m actually surprised you remember that the word “socialize” exists, Sarukui-san.” 

“What are you talking about, I’m socializing with you right now.” 

Akaashi laughs. “Oh. Oh, you’re serious, aren’t you?” Sigh. “Talking over the phone about work doesn’t really qualify as socializing, Sarukui-san, you know it doesn’t. When was the last time you joined me and the rest of our friends for a drink over the weekend? You _do_ remember you still have those, right, friends?” 

“Mmm.” 

“You should come with us, Sarukui-san, you could use a little bit of distraction.” 

“Mmmyeah.” 

“So is that a yes?” 

“Look, Akaashi, I get your point, really, I do. And I promise I’ll go out and join you guys, but I have to finish writing first.” 

“You say that after every book.” 

“Well this time’s different. I promise you.” 

“Why? How is it any different?” 

“Because it is! This book isn’t just a memoir, Akaashi, this is- I’m trying to make it my apology, okay? Call it a heel’s redemption arc.” 

“You’re not a heel, Sarukui-san.” Akaashi sighs. “We’ve been over this so many times already, I honestly don’t know why you can’t accept that.” 

The line remains quiet for a while. 

“I think I know the reason why you can’t write.” Akaashi says. 

“What’s that?” 

“You’re stuck because you keep living in the past. And I think it’s because you haven’t done it yet. But you have to, in order to continue.” 

“Akaashi, you’re speaking in riddles and I’m not following.” 

“You have to forgive yourself, Sarukui-san.” Akaashi’s voice is something soft. The way a small child would talk to a butterfly. “Konoha-san went blue in the face repeating himself to you that he forgave you already, a really long time ago. I think you should do the same.” 

 

 

~

 

 

“Saru, man, I’ve been thinking.” Konoha said. “In less than a year, we’d be graduates.” He started roll calling each dreaded item on Sarukui’s internal list, like he wasn’t already painfully aware of every single one of those things. Graduation, Prom, college, all these huge life choices they were all supposed to make. That’s all everyone was already talking about. Students, parents, teachers. Everyone. “Shit’s gonna start changing real soon.” 

The problem was that shit _had_ already started changing. 

The summer before senior year was already different to the previous carefree summers they were used to. 

LAN parties, midnight picnics and waking up in the afternoon were a thing in the past, because Konoha had to be fresh faced for his modeling shoots, while Sarukui had his plate full with all the reading and writing classes he signed up for. 

Sarukui expected that he would have to say goodbye to Neverland, just like Peter Pan did. 

But he was so busy worrying over his best friend coping with all of the changes, that he never imagined it would be him having trouble adjusting. 

 

 

~

 

 

“Saru, man, I know the perfect way for us to commemorate my 18th birthday.” Konoha said a few days before the 30th of September. “Hear me out here for a sec.” 

Sarukui _had_ heard him out, for more than a sec, and what Konoha wanted was for them to get matching tattoos of each others initials. 

“That’d be _so_ cool, man, don’t you think?” 

“Kono, I think that’d be the coolest.” 

 

 

~

 

 

Sarukui was taken by a bearded, face pierced all over dude into the back of the parlor, while Konoha stayed behind, waiting for his turn. 

“Um. Does it hurt?” He asked stupidly. 

“Depends where you want it, kid.” The tattoo artist replied with a friendly smile. “Where do want yours?” 

“On my right ankle.” 

It hurt like a bitch. It hurt like an absolute fuckin’ bitch. 

 

 

~

 

 

Forty five minutes later, he joined Konoha back into the waiting room with aftercare instructions, a small tube with ointment and cellophane tape around his ankle. 

“Saru, man, this shit fuckin’ rocks!” Konoha said, crouched down, admiring the bolded K.A. letters. “So cool!” 

“Yeah. I love it.” He replied, although to his own ears it sounded a whole lot more like “I love you.” 

It was just him, though. 

“Okay, wish me luck, man!” 

“Good luck, man.” 

 

 

~

 

 

Sarukui’s excitement over his best friend having his initials tattooed over the same spot as him was extremely short-lived. 

Because the first thing Konoha said to him was “Yukie’s totally gonna flip shit when I show her that I have S.Y. tattooed on my leg. Hah, just you watch! Damn, Saru, man, I’m so fucking glad we did this together.” 

“Yeah. Yeah, me too.” Sarukui replied, voice miles away. 

 

 

~

 

 

They always said senior year was going to be the best, but it was quickly becoming Sarukui’s worst nightmare. 

He laughed and smiled and joined the gang at parties and hangouts and everything, but it was all on the surface. His happiness wasn’t genuine, but forced, and that was so tiring. 

He knew it was incredibly childish to be upset over the fact that Konoha didn’t spend all of his time with him and him alone. But childish or not, it still stung. A lot.

When they became teens, Sarukui was one of the first ones in their grade to hit that awkward growth spurt and for his voice to mutate, but unlike the rest of his peers, he didn’t undergo the acting out and rebelling against his parents moodswing bit. 

Which is why it was so ironic, that while everyone else had long shed their uncomfortable skins and were all having the time of their lives, Sarukui was _finally_ experiencing the emotional part of puberty. 

What actually killed was Konoha’s oblivion. 

How could he _not_ notice that his own best friend was a tense ball of teenage loathing and angst and lies? 

Sarukui couldn’t remember a time in his life when he’d ever felt more alone. 

That was the thing, though. 

He never was, before. 

 

 

~

 

 

“We’re going to the drive-in tonight.” Konoha said as they headed towards the gym for morning practice. “Saru, man, you’re coming, right?” 

Sarukui swallowed down the pain welling up in his chest. 

The _we_ he was used to was Konoha and him. But that was no more. Now _we_ meant Konoha and Yukie, and he was the third wheel. 

“Which movie?” He asked in pretend interest, as if it mattered, as if he hadn’t already made up his mind to _not_ go. 

“It’s the new Tarantino one, Kill Bill.” 

“Mmm, it’s supposed to be really good.” 

“It’s fuckin’ Tarantino, man, of course it’s gonna be good. So you comin’?”

“I can’t, Kono, I have an essay due.” 

“It’s fuckin’ Saturday tomorrow, man.” 

“I know, but it’s for my writing class.” He shrugged apologetically. “Wish I could come, though.” 

They both knew he didn’t, but Konoha didn’t say anything. 

 

 

~

 

 

“Thanks for letting me copy your answers.” Konoha said after their Japanese test and stretched. “Saru, man, I honestly don’t know what the fuck I’d do without you.” 

“Crash and burn, probably.” Sarukui replied and Konoha laughed in agreement. 

But that wasn’t true at all, because Konoha was doing just fine and it was him that was crashing and burning all over the place. 

 

 

~

 

 

Sarukui clung to tradition by the tips of his fingers, holding on for dear life, which is why he went to the Konoha house on Tuesday evening. 

“Hello, Mrs Ko- oh, hey, Yuks, how’s it goin’?” 

“Hi, Saru!” Yukie smiled back and motioned for him to get inside. “Please hurry up, I’m _starving_.” 

Dinner was spaghetti with meatballs and compliments to chef Konoha and chef Yukie. 

Sarukui opted out of marinara sauce and went for extra misery instead. 

Not like it mattered, though. 

There was no flavor in anything anymore. 

 

 

~

 

 

Sarukui jammed a Marlboro red between his lips and lit it up with shaky fingers. 

“Saru.” 

Of course Konoha knew he planned on ditching and going home, which is why he joined him when he went out for a smoke. Konoha also knew that he was a weak, weak thing. Because all it took to make him stay was Konoha saying his name and giving him that glance, that pleading _please don’t leave_ glance that tugged on Sarukui’s heartstrings.

And so he stayed. 

 

 

~

 

 

Konoha and Sarukui both wanted to watch The Godfather, because that was _the_ movie to watch, always. And while the twins never had any say in the pick of the movie, because Konoha rarely allowed them in his room, there was also the part where Konoha and Sarukui didn’t care about their crappy romantic comedies. 

But Kiko and Kira had Yukie to reinforce the girl power, and girl power chose The Notebook. 

The movie wasn’t as bad Sarukui thought it would be. Cheesy, but quite good. Everything else was bad though. He shed an occasional tear or two when reading books, and sometimes movies too. But he was not prepared or equipped to deal with the sobbing and wailing noises from all three girls the entire time. It was terrible and uncomfortable and very wet. 

“Saru, man, that was two hours of our lives that we’re never getting back. What a fuckin' waste.” Konoha groaned. He looked just as emotionally drained as Sarukui felt. “Fuck you, Nicholas Sparks, I hope you choke on a great, big bag of dicks.” 

“Kono, you’re driving Yukie home, right? Do you want me to come with or you good?” 

“Nah, she’s spending the night.” 

Of course she was. 

Sarukui went to bed only after finishing his pack of cigarettes. Huh. He was going to hate himself during practice tomorrow, but he already hated himself anyway, so. 

Whatever. Breathing was overrated. 

 

 

~

 

 

“Saru, man, I’m so sorry, but I’m gonna be a little late. Something came up.” 

Something always came up. 

“It’s fine, Kono.” 

It wasn’t fine. 

“You still gonna wait for me, though, right?” 

“Yeah, of course I’ll wait for you.” 

Sarukui didn’t mind waiting. 

But he couldn’t wait forever. 

 

 

~

 

 

“Saru, man, can you believe that in six months we’re gonna be outta here?” Konoha asked one day in January. “Damn. I can’t believe I’m gonna say this, but I think I’m actually gonna miss this shithole of a place, you know?” 

Sarukui _did_ believe him. Because he was already missing it. Dearly. 

 

 

~

 

 

Drinking and smoking pot weren’t just a weekend thing for Sarukui anymore, because he needed them on school nights too. Something to take off the edge. 

His bedroom four walls became his escape. 

School work was keeping him plenty busy up at night, but there was also guilt. 

The guilt was consuming him whole, because he was a filthy fucking liar. 

But he wasn’t good with confessions. He was going to wait for a confrontation, because unlike him, Konoha was good at those. 

He didn’t sleep much. He didn’t sleep at all. 

 

 

~

 

 

“Kono, there’s a fair coming to town this weekend.” Sarukui said on Monday. “Would you like to go?” 

Konoha blinked, surprised, before grinning. “Fuck yeah, Saru, man, of course I wanna go! This is fuckin’ perfect, dude!” 

“Yeah?” 

“Not just _yeah_ , man, Hellz yeah!” Konoha laughed and patted his shoulder. “I’m so fuckin’ stoked to hear you wanna go. This is so cool, man.” 

“Yeah. Yeah, it’s totally cool.” 

“Did you tell the others already?” 

“No.” Sarukui was able to keep the smile on his face. “I thought I’d tell you first.” 

“Cool. And hey, don’t you worry about a thing, Saru, man, I’ll take care of it and tell ‘em. What time does it start?” 

“Kono, it’s a fair. It’s starts when you go.” 

“Alright. How’s ten o’clock?” 

“That’s kinda late.” 

“And since when do you give a shit about that?” Konoha snorted. “It’s not like your parents give you a curfew.” 

“Okay, then, ten.” 

“Excellent. Would you be ready by seven?” 

“Why?” 

“The fuck kinda question is that, Saru, man? _Why_? Because I wanna go with you before everyone else comes. Or is that a fucking problem for you?” 

“Really?” 

Konoha groaned and rolled his eyes. 

 

 

~

 

 

“Alright, I’ve had enough of this shit.” Konoha said. They were in the middle of the haunted house and Konoha didn’t give a flying fuck about the complaints and yells directed at him for blocking the foot traffic in the narrow cobwebby corridor. “Saru, man, what the fuck? What, are you bored to be here with me?” 

“What? Of course not!” 

How could Konoha even ask him such a thing? 

“Then why the fuck do you keep glancing at your watch, like I’m some bad date you can’t wait to get rid of?” 

If only Konoha actually knew the truth. 

“Kono, I just- I can’t believe how fast time flies when I’m with you.” Sarukui admitted, half-choked, overly emotional, and before he could stop himself, he threw his arms over Konoha’s shoulders. This was way past the border of pathetic, but Sarukui didn’t care, he was just desperate to hang on. “I’m glad I’m here with you.” 

The response Sarukui expected was Konoha laughing, telling him that he was being a fuckin’ baby, like always, too scared of the haunted house. 

But instead, Konoha embraced him back, whispered a “Me too.” and held onto him just as tight until the tears stopped falling. 

Sarukui never thought being wrong could be so right. 

 

 

~

 

 

Graduation was just around the corner and Sarukui was probably the only person that associated it with Doomsday. 

He was an acutely aware witness, for nearly three whole years, that it wasn’t just the girls, but the majority of the student body that had their eyes on Konoha, when he walked through the halls, drumming his beloved rock tunes against lockers and singing obscene lyrics, the rest of the world nothing but background noise. 

And Konoha would cover his mouth and scream “Incooomiiing!” seconds before launching himself onto Sarukui’s back. It was only a handful of times that Sarukui was able to catch him successfully, with Konoha’s tongue clicking against the roof of his mouth, kicking at his thighs while he galloped into a classroom or the gym. 

But he never had a problem with all the times they went tumbling down, mess of limbs on the floor, because the thing that always followed was Konoha throwing his head back and roaring in laughter. 

If anyone ever asked Sarukui what he remembered from his Fukurodani days, and even from before, his answer would be Konoha. Because he always saw his best friend in zoomed in focus. 

Never anything else. 

 

 

~

 

 

Sarukui was still in a towel when Konoha joined him in his bedroom.

“Asshole, you were supposed to be ready.” Konoha said. “What the fuck, Saru, man, the limo’s gonna be here in half an hour!” 

Konoha was in a midnight blue tux and a matching bowtie, combed hair and a little cream colored flower thing pinned to his chest. He didn’t look high school Prom. He looked red carpet all the way. 

Sarukui was having a real hard time doing anything but staring. He forgot blinking was a thing. 

“Hellooo? Earth to Saru? What the fuck, man, are you deaf?” 

“You… Kono, you-” He heard himself stutter. “You clean up nice.” 

“Thanks, Saru, man, I appreciate it. But what I’d appreciate even more if you hurried the fuck up! Yukie’s gonna skin me alive if we’re late. My shithead sister too.” Konoha pressed his lips together. “I still can’t believe you’re taking her to Prom. Fuck. What is wrong with you.” 

The truth was that Sarukui didn’t want to take Kira to Prom. He didn’t want to take any girl to Prom, simply because he didn’t want to go at all. 

“I’m not sure there was an actual question for me in there.” Sarukui said and pulled on his trousers. He didn’t want a white tux, but Ma said everyone would be wearing black and he wouldn’t stand out. Duuhh, Ma, that was the whole point. “Kono, do you think I’ll look like penguin wearing that?” 

“No way, man, you’re gonna be as cool as James Bond.” 

“James Bond, huh. Nice. Never thought about that before. Thanks, Kono.” 

Konoha faked a yawn and muttered something under his breath that sounded like he’d need a hip replacement soon, hurry the fuck up, Saru, man, bla bla. He started poking around Sarukui’s desk and then. “Oh. Saru, what’s this?” 

“Kono, be careful with it!” Sarukui rushed over, only one arm inside his shirt. “Put it down.” 

Konoha was basically holding Sarukui’s whole future in his hands. His university acceptance letter. Early admission. 

He was already sporting a headache and feeling dreadful, so of course this was gonna happen at _the worst_ time possible. Why the fuck not. 

Konoha looked at it a little while longer, making some sort of sound like he was thinking it over, before setting it down, neat and pristine. 

“They offered me a full ride and I’d be insane to turn it down.” Sarukui said, because he had to say something. He had to say enough for the both of them. “Kono, it’s a fucking good school, man.” 

“Good for who?” 

“For… who? For me!” 

“And what about me?” Konoha licked his lips. “Did you think about me at all?” 

“Oh, fuck you, this is just too rich from you, man. What, did you actually think I’d stay on standby until you remembered my existence? This whole year felt like I didn’t have a best friend anymore.” 

“Saru, that’s a shitty thing to say.” 

“It’s an even shittier way to feel, Kono.” 

“If it bothered you so much, why didn’t you say something?” 

“It’s not like you were around much for me to talk to you.” 

“I was- I only wanted to spend more time with the guys, because who knows when’s gonna be the next time we all get to hang out together. I thought you of all people would understand.” 

“How could I possibly understand, Kono?” 

“Because we had a plan, man. We were both gonna take a gap year, remember? Our parents said it was okay, they can afford it. I thought we’d- I dunno, rent out a place and, yeah, my grades aren’t as good as yours, so we could never go to the same schools, but that wouldn’t have mattered, because we’d still be cool ass roommates living together.” Konoha swallowed. “Did you forget about that?” 

“No, Kono, I didn’t. But you can’t really blame for not taking any chances with you, not when you’ve been flighty on me all year.” 

“Boys! Please come downstairs for some pictures!” Ma yelled. 

“In a minute, Ma!” 

They stared at each other. 

“So you’re going to States, huh.” 

“Well, not like tomorrow or anything, but yeah, I am.” 

“Saru, did you actually plan on telling me? Or were you just gonna leave?” 

“It’s not like you’d notice that I’m gone.” 

Konoha recoiled as if Sarukui physically struck him. Probably would’a hurt less if he did. 

“So I guess I’ll be taking that gap year alone then, since I didn’t really apply anywhere and don’t have any other options.” Konoha laughed humorlessly. “I never thought you’d just ditch me behind. Saru, this shit doesn’t just blow, man, it kinda kills.” 

“Ditching you behind? No, I was just following your example, man. And hey, you can always look on the bright side of things. Now you’ll have _all_ the time in the world to hang out with the rest of the guys. But it’s not my problem what you do, Kono, because I really don’t care.” 

Sarukui practiced that whole little speech in his head for months. But saying everything didn’t make him feel as vindicated as he hoped. 

Konoha hadn’t cried in front of him since they were twelve, but it looked like that was about to change. 

And looking at Konoha’s shiny eyes, all he could think was _I did that_.

 

 

~

 

 

Sarukui didn’t object when Kira took him by the hand and led him to the middle of the football field. He objected even less when she pulled a bottle of peach schnapps out of her purse. 

Everyone at Fukurodani mutually agreed that the Konoha kids had all hit the genetic lottery jackpot. And both Komi and Washio spent an entire hour telling him just how jealous they were of him. 

The twins were teen royalty, following into their older brothers footsteps, turning heads and snapping necks everywhere they went in their cheerleading uniforms and gold pom poms. 

Sarukui knew that almost every guy at school would be lucky to be in his shoes. And he also knew that it was all kinds of messed up that while Kira was kissing him, his only thought was _That’s not how your brother does it_. 

She was begging, her whispers hot and dirty against his ear. Did he wanna fuck? Yeah, of course he did, he was only human. But as fucked up in the head as he was, Sarukui knew if he crossed that border, there was no coming back from it. 

“Don’t. Kira, don’t-just stop, alright?” Sarukui pulled her off and rolled to the side. His head was dizzy and he took a couple of breaths. “No means no.” 

Even in the dim lights she looked so vulnerable. She probably wasn’t used to hearing no. 

He didn’t care. 

“It’s because of big brother, isn’t it? You’ll always see me as his little sister and nothing more.” 

“Something like that.” 

“I thought you wanted me. Isn’t that why you invited me to Prom as your date?” 

“I didn’t fucking invite you, Kira, you invited yourself!” Sarukui said, snappy and rude. “Now hurry up, so I can take you home.” 

Sarukui was a completely selfish dick, because he didn’t stop and think even for a second just how humiliated Kira must have felt as she put her clothes back on. He didn’t offer her any words of comfort, while she sobbed. He wasn’t feeling very kind. Not at all. 

He was definitely on a roll, making Konohas cry left and right. 

 

 

~

 

 

Sarukui made it back just in time to see Konoha and Yukie being crowned Prom King and Prom Queen. 

It’s not like that was a surprise. 

He already hated everything about tonight, but he didn’t feel like adding a slow song to the list. 

Which is why didn’t stay to witness the Prom King and Queen dance. 

 

 

~

 

 

Sarukui rapped his fingers against Konoha’s bedroom door. 

“Hey.” 

The only acknowledgement Konoha gave him was a rise of his eyebrows. 

“I came to get my jacket back.” He explained, holding it up for Konoha see. “I saw your sister. I don’t think she likes me very much right now.” 

Sarukui expected Konoha would snort or roll his eyes, help him out just a little. He didn’t deserve it, but hope died last, right? 

Konoha gave him nothing. 

“I don’t think _you_ like me very much right now.” Sarukui said, when it became obvious. 

Konoha flinched, but didn’t deny it. 

He was never one to deny the truth. 

Unlike Sarukui. 

 

 

~

 

 

Konoha still texted and called, asking Sarukui if he wanted to hang out. 

And he did. 

But whenever they were together, Sarukui felt so ashamed of himself that he couldn’t bear it. 

Guilt-ridden to the core, he made his usual “I’m busy” excuses and remained at home. 

 

 

~

 

 

Konoha organized Sarukui’s going away party and it was grand and amazing and everyone was there. Frank Sinatra was blasting the entire time. 

“Monkey, I thought you’re going to Boston?” Bokuto asked. 

“Yeah, me too.” Komi pointed at all the napkins and cards and things. “What’s with all this I heart NY stuff?” 

Konoha rose from his seat and to get everyone’s attention clunk his fork against his glass. 

“I’d like to make a speech, so all you fuckers better shut your ugly mugs for a sec.” He ignored the chiding “Nori!” that came from Mrs Konoha. “I heard a couple of you wondering, so I’ll explain. Clearly you’re not cool enough to know what a theme party is.” Konoha snickered at the boos from the usual suspects. “You guys don’t know this, but when we were growing up Saru’s favourite book was James and the Giant Peach. And it’s kind of a blabla book, but that’s not the point. The point is that James ends up living in Central Park, so I know New York City holds a special place in my best friend’s heart. And what’s important to him, is important to me. Which is why I chose a New York themed party.” He winks at Sarukui. “Now we all know Saru’s going to Boston. But there’s a reason why I didn’t do a Boston themed party. It’s because Boston sucks. There’s nothing special about it.” 

“Their lobster’s special. You could’ve hosted a lobster themed party.” Akaashi said. “Sarukui-san, I’m gonna visit you there, okay?” 

“Akaashi, I’m kinda not done with the speech here. Not everyone’s obsessed with food like you.” 

“I’m not obsessed. I just like it.” Akaashi muttered. 

“As I was saying, Boston fuckin’ sucks. I mean, just look the Red Sox. Terrible season. So terrible.” Konoha cleared his throat. “Anyway. Maybe they have good enough lobster, I don’t know. What I _do_ know is that for the next four years Boston’s gonna improve majorly, because my best friend is going there. So let’s all raise our glasses and drink to Boston’s best, which is gonna be our Saru.” 

“To Saru!” 

 

 

~

 

 

“Kono, that was-” Sarukui said when they were the last ones left. “I can’t even begin to thank you for everything.” 

“C’mon, Saru, man, there’s no need for that, it’s no biggie.” Konoha half smirked, pleased. “I saw you crying during my speech. I knew you’d like it.” 

“I loved it. Everyone did.” 

“I’m glad.” Konoha laughed. “You fuckin’ baby.” 

“Kono.” 

Konoha busied himself with gathering his presents. 

“Kono. I’m still here.” 

“Yeah, I know, man, and I could really use a hand, if you’d just stop being so fucking useless and help me with all your shit.” 

“That’s not what I meant. Kono, just stop what you’re doing and look at me. Please.” 

Konoha did. 

“I don’t have to go Boston if you don’t want me to. Just say the word.” 

“Huh?” Konoha blinked. 

“Kono, all you gotta do is ask me, man. Tell me to stay and I’ll stay.” 

_For you_.

“You think I’d tell you to stay?” 

“If that’s what you wanted.” 

Sarukui was well meaning, but it seemed like he was saying all the wrong things, the final nail in his coffin. 

“We’ve been best friends for almost twenty years and this is what you think of me. Oh, for fuck’s sake, Saru, don’t you know me at all?” 

 

 

~

 

 

Konoha didn’t ask Sarukui to stay. He let him go easily enough and in a sense, that in itself hurt. 

And so he left. 

 

 

~

 

 

Winter brings Sarukui some clarity. 

Writing everything down really does put things into perspective and he’s really proud of his progress, though he’ll never admit it. 

He doesn’t want to give Akaashi the pleasure of saying “Sarukui-san, I told you so.”. Akaashi already does it a lot anyway.

Along with the snow, an unexpected visitor shows up at Sarukui’s doorstep. An old friend. 

“Yukie. Hi. Please come on in, you must be freezing.” 

“Saruuu!” She kisses his cheeks and pulls him into a hug. “I was in the neighborhood doing some shopping and thought I’d pop by and say hello. Plus I really, really need to pee.” 

Sarukui grins. “You know where the bathroom is.” 

“I know you’re really busy with work, Akaashi keeps telling us not to disturb you, so I hope I’m not intruding too much.” 

“Not at all, Yuks. I’m happy you came.” 

“You know we’re all eagerly awaiting your next book. I even tried bribing Akaashi with my homemade chicken pot pie, but he won’t spill.” 

“Who knew Akaashi could be so strong, huh?” 

“Right? Jokes aside, though… we all miss you, Saru.” Yukie reaches for his hand and squeezes it gently. “And I’m sure you can take a guess who misses you the most.” 

“Yuks, you know that feeling when you postpone something for so long that- It’s. Um.” He clears his throat. “I’m afraid if I call, he wouldn’t talk to me.” 

 

 

~

 

 

Sarukui doesn’t know if it’s the Christmas holidays, the season of perpetual hope, that makes him pick up the phone. 

He doesn’t want to be a coward anymore. 

He missed being there for Konoha on his wedding day, but despite the bundles and layers of clothes, he spotted the bump on Yukie’s belly. 

Another best day of Konoha’s life is going to arrive soon.

And Sarukui really wants to be there. 

 

 

~

 

 

“It’s me, the ghost of Christmas past.” 

Sarukui had three shots of JD for courage, but his stomach still feels like it’s eating itself. He gets moronic when he’s nervous and this is just the start. 

“Kono. Hey. Hi.” He says, and _waves_ , like an idiot. 

“I see your sense of humor hasn’t improved, but that’s nothing new.” Konoha snorts. “Get over here, Saru, man.” He pulls him into a hug. “Look at us having a total chick flick moment here.” 

“I know, right? Us. Your shithead sisters would be proud.” 

“Saru, that’s so fucking not cool, man.” Konoha half laughs, half cries. He, too, is just as emotional. 

So much time has passed, but despite the stretch of years, it’s reassuring to know that some things never change. The regularity of Konoha’s most overused term comforting in an uncomfortable world. 

Also the friendship part. 

Especially the friendship part. 

“I was planning on finishing my book before I got here, but-” Sarukui coughs into his fist and clears his throat. “Your wife came to see me and- truthfully, I couldn’t wait another second.” 

“My wife, huh. Of course.” Konoha laughs. “Well, the reason doesn’t really matter, what’s important to me is that you’re here. And I’m happy, man.” 

“Me too.” 

Konoha leads the way inside and grins. “Ah. Speaking of the old ball and chain.” 

Sarukui absolutely doesn’t mean to laugh hysterically. It’s not even that funny. 

But it kind of is. 

“Good evening, Sarukui-san.” Akaashi greets with a smile. “I’m glad you’re finally here.” 

 

 

~

 

 

Sarukui sits across Akaashi at their kitchen table and leafs through the photo albums, while Konoha, serious as shit, jams out to power ballads and cooks their dinner. 

“I guess it’s not so bad I didn’t make it to your wedding. I see Komiyan was your best man, so you weren’t the biggest shorty standing at the altar.” 

“Fuck _off_ , Saru, man.” 

Sarukui laughs and so does Konoha. 

“Beautiful reception, though.” He admits. “What song did you pick for your first dance?” 

“What A Wonderful World.” Konoha and Akaashi reply in unison. 

“Classic choice.” Sarukui smiles. 

“Sarukui-san, we have a tape if you’d like to see it?” 

“I’d love to.” 

“I have to tell you, though, you didn’t miss out much. Everyone got drunk and made asses out of themselves. So, the same old. Although you did miss seeing Akinori-san giving it all on the dance floor to Single Ladies.” 

“My wife is _so_ disrespectful towards Beyonce. Such blasphemy.” Konoha shakes his head. “I liked it, so of course I fuckin’ put a ring on it.” 

“You’re married, but you still call Kono “san”?” Sarukui laughs. “Come to think of it, you actually call him “Konoha-san”.” 

“When he’s not present, I refer to him as that, yes.” Akaashi shrugs. “I like being polite.” 

“Honey, you’re the rudest fucking person in the whole wide world and ain’t no “sans” gonna change that.” Konoha laughs. 

“You did mention rings, so. May I see them?” 

Both Konoha and Akaashi stick out their hands in front of him. 

“Nice.” Sarukui pulls a face. “Akaashi, I can’t believe I never noticed you were wearing one.” 

“Sarukui-san, there’s no denying that you’re an excellent writer, and I’d hate to break this to you, but when it comes to noticing things, you are literally the worst crime novelist in the entire world. You completely missed the thread.” 

“Yeah, I guess I- oh my God!” Sarukui’s jaw unhinges and drops comically. “This is why- Kono’s why you became my agent, isn’t it?” 

Konoha does a drum roll on the table. “Aaaaaand now he finally gets it, ladies and gentleman! Saru, man, just because you were in your own fucking La La Land, thinking some fucked up bullshit like you staying away would be doing me any favors or whatever, doesn’t mean that I was gonna let you off the hook. No fuckin’ way, man! That’s not how best friends roll and you know it.” Konoha laughs. “Hey, honey, did I ever tell you that my best friend’s a fuckin’ crybaby?” 

 

 

~

 

 

“Kono, this is the most delicious steak I’ve ever had.” Sarukui says, mouthful of food. 

“Well, duuh. My wife didn’t just marry me for my good looks, but my cooking too.” 

“I wish you’d stop calling me your wife.” Akaashi mutters, scowling. 

“Nahhhh. Not when I know how much it annoys you.” Konoha smirks at Sarukui. “When the wife’s bitchy sex is the best.” 

“Akaashi’s always bitchy.” 

Konoha snaps his fingers and finger guns, winking. “Exactly.” 

A bit too much information for Sarukui’s taste, but instead of complaining, he asks. 

“Kono, I always thought you and Yukie were dating?” 

“Yukie’s gay as Hell, man, what would she ever do with me?” Konoha laughs. 

Akaashi snorts. “You say it like you are the epitome of heterosexuality.” 

“Saru, I know you’ve always been blind as a fuckin’ bat, but come on, man, surely, even you saw the crazy amount of times Yukie and Kaori were holding hands and shit.” 

“I just thought they were close friends, is all.” 

“Chyeah, close friends.” Konoha air quotes. “Saru, man, I know you’re the storyteller here, but how about you open your fuckin’ ears for a change and listen?” 

He does. And he’s silent the entire time, totally rapt, remembering everything as Konoha’s telling it, only from the opposite side, without certain details and insider knowledge. 

When Konoha’s nearing the end of his tale, Sarukui feels like someone’s delivered a heavy blow to the back of his head and a swift bullseye straight through the heart, and he’s a fucking mess of emotions. 

All of them happy, of course. 

For years, Sarukui felt guilty as Hell, thinking he’d ruined Konoha’s life, when in fact, that wasn’t the case at all. Konoha tells him just how eternally grateful he is, because if it wasn’t for him, he never would’ve stayed at Fukurodani as a post graduate, which wouldn’t have resulted in him asking Akaashi out and marrying the love of his life. 

“Well, Kono, you always did say you-” His voice cracks. He takes a sip of water and clears his throat. 

Konoha and Akaashi both smile at him fondly, waiting. 

After a bit, when Sarukui thinks his voice will back him up and he wouldn’t choke again, he continues. 

“You always did say you felt bad that we’re all graduating and leaving Akaashi behind on his own. So I’m very happy you didn’t.” He raises his glass. “To you two, and your happily ever after. Oh! That reminds me, I brought you something.” 

“Not just the best damn scotch we’ve been drinking all night, but also finest fuckin’ Cuban cigars, Saru, man?” Konoha whistles appreciatively. “Whoever said you can’t buy happiness, clearly doesn’t know where to fuckin’ shop.” 

“I actually, uh, I bought those, because I noticed that Yukie’s pregnant and-” Sarukui scratches his head and tugs on his earlobe. “I thought you were gonna be a father.” 

“It’s kinda hard to believe you’re not _all_ fuckin’ blind, Saru, man. You were wrong about a lotta things, but, hey, you gotta win some, right?” Konoha winks. “Whaddya say us three light up those bad boys, cause, lemme tell you, Saru, man, you’re looking at two very proud soon-to-be baby daddies.” 

Sarukui’s eyes feel hot and glassy and he can’t remember a time when his smile hurt his cheeks so genuinely. 

 

 

~

 

 

The good news keep raining. Konoha and Akaashi are going to have twin girls. 

“I just hope they’re not as bad as my shithead sisters were, cause my beautiful hair’s gonna go all white. But we already picked the names, wanna hear them? You will fuckin’ love this, Saru, man. Misaki and Sakiko.” 

“Ah. Both Saki for short, so they wouldn’t know which one of them you’re calling.” Sarukui laughs happily. 

“Yup. Gotta stick to tradition.” 

Akaashi sighs. “I can already feel our unborn children hating us.” 

“Yeah, well, so what? Hating parents is a rite of passage. Every kid goes through and I’m glad ours won’t be any different.” Konoha smirks. 

Akaashi rolls his eyes and brings out a cheese platter for dessert. 

“Saru, man, you did miss our wedding, but what I can’t forgive is you calling me a shorty.” 

“I’m so-” 

“Blabla, c’mon, man, you know we don’t do the apology shit. But there _is_ something you could do to make it up to me. I’m gonna make you an offer you can’t refuse.” Konoha uses his best Marlon Brando impression. 

“Tell me.” 

“It would really mean a lot to me-” 

Akaashi clears his throat. 

“Sorry. Let me start over.” Konoha grins. “It would really mean a lot to my wife and I-” 

Akaashi clears his throat again. 

“Alright, alright! It would really mean a lot to the both of us, if you become our girls’ godfather.” 

“Are you serious?” 

“As a fuckin’ heart attack.” 

Sarukui actually clutches at his heart like he’s about to have one. 

“It’d be my absolute honor.” 

 

 

~

 

 

Konoha tries not to look too disappointed when Sarukui turns down his offer for spending the night. 

Akaashi, gracious as ever, excuses him, saying he has a deadline. Which is not a lie, but that’s not what makes Sarukui leave. 

He just needs that last little bit of me time, to process all the food for thought he was given. 

When Sarukui gets home, for the first time in a very long time, he doesn’t go down his usual could’ve, would’ve, should’ve and what if memory lane. 

Instead of drowning in the past, he finds himself looking forward to the next day. Tomorrow. 

Sarukui laughs happy tears. 

Since the age of five, Konoha became a staple in his life and how foolish of him to ever think that Konoha let him go. 

Because he never did. 

Best friends don’t. 

 

 

~

 

 

The crew all get together in spring when Yukie gives birth to beautiful and healthy Misaki and Sakiko. And it’s actually very funny, because the room has two infants, but it’s everyone else that’s crying like a bunch of babies. 

This time it’s not just Sarukui. 

 

 

~

 

 

Akaashi no longer nags Sarukui for staying cooped up inside his house, but nag he still does. Sarukui-san, date night means it’s your turn to watch the kids. Sarukui-san, please stop going out so much. Sarukui-san, you still have a lot to write. Sarukui-san. Sarukui-san! 

That’s so good. 

 

 

~

 

 

Their 10 Year High School Reunion is held in the good ol’ Fukurodani gym, packed with familiar faces and endless memories. Everyone’s accomplished so much, and yet Sarukui can’t seem to get away from all the people that come up to congratulate him, pat his back, heard you made a donation for the new school library, great job, man, always knew you’d make it big. 

Konoha spends a lot time laughing at receding hairlines and beer bellies, but the most he does is be annoyed and pissed off how people seem to fucking forget Saru’s _his_ best friend, nobody elses. Those fake fucking bitches. 

“Saru! I gotta ask you something we’ve all been wondering.” Komi says. “You _have_ to answer, okay, we’ve been waiting to hear the dirt long enough.” 

“What’s that?” 

“Did you bang Konoha’s sister during Prom?” 

“How juvenile, Komi-san.” Akaashi downs his entire champagne glass. “I’m clearly way too sober for this shit.” 

“I got your back, honey.” Konoha passes him a full glass. “Komi, I fuckin’ hate you for talking about my sister. And I fuckin' hate myself too, because I’ve wondered the same thing.“ 

“Same here.” Washio waves. “We all saw the matching grass stains on her dress and your tux, so, really, did you pork Konoha’s sister?” 

“Bang and pork, you guys, really? Eughhh!” Yukie pulls a face and blows a kiss at Kaori. “I’m so happy I have you and we never had to deal with any of their shit.” 

“Oh, come on, monkeyyyyy!” Bokuto swings a beefy arm over Sarukui’s shoulder. “We’ve waited ten whole years, so just end our suffering already!” 

Despite their protests, even Yukie and Akaashi are listening. They all are. 

“God, you guys are really not gonna let this go are you?” Sarukui laughs. “Fine, okay. No, I didn’t.” 

“Tsk, tsk, tsk.” Komi shakes his head in disappointment. “You could’ve been a legend, man.” 

“Why didn’t you?” Washio asks. “If one of Konoha’s sisters threw herself at me, I wouldn’t have thought about it for a second.” 

“Fuck you, Tatsu.” Konoha gives him a middle finger, before turning towards Sarukui. “But seriously, Saru, man, you didn’t?” 

“No, Kono, of course I didn’t. I just knew that if I ever hooked up with Kiko or Kira my already minimal chances of something ever happening between you and I would become impossible.” 

Silence. 

“Why are you all staring at me like that?” Sarukui laughs. “Come on, you guys, don’t pretend like you didn’t know.” 

“What the fuck, Saru, man? Are you for real?” Konoha gawps. “I… I never knew about this. Did any of you guys?!” 

“First time I hear it too.” Akaashi says. 

“Same here.” Washio nods. 

“And here.” Yukie and Kaori say in unison. 

“Me too.” Bokuto agrees. 

“Fuck it, man, I never knew anything about anything in high school.” Komi laughs. 

“That hasn’t changed, you still don’t know anything about anything.” Washio grins. 

“You know what, Tatsu, next time your junky car breaks down, don’t come to me, but go cry to mama.” Komi sneers. 

“Okay, sorry, I take that back, you know your cars.” 

“So… you guys really didn’t know?” Sarukui asks. “Oh. I always thought it was obvious.” 

 

 

~

 

 

Sarukui isn’t the only smoker, but when he pops out for a cigarette, only Konoha joins him. 

“That was quite the bomb you dropped on everyone, Saru, man. I mean, shit. You’d think as your best friend I would’ve noticed something like that, huh.” Konoha says softly. “And I always said _you_ were the blind one.” 

“Right?” Sarukui laughs. “It’s alright, though. I know you always had your eyes elsewhere.” 

“Yeah. You’re right. I did.” 

Sarukui licks his lips. “I hope that doesn’t change anything between us?” 

“Of course not, man.” Konoha smiles. 

“Good.” He takes a last drag and flicks the cigarette butt away. “Because I really am happy for you.” 

“Yeah, I know.” 

A silent moment passes between them. 

Konoha breaks it. “Do you still…?” 

“Kono, I think that hardly matters now.” Sarukui smiles and gently pats Konoha’s cheek. “Come on, man, I’m fine. Really. I am. So please quit looking at me like I’m some sad kicked up puppy, alright? You’re kinda killing my cool vibe here.” 

Konoha snickers. “Asshole.” 

 

 

~

 

 

When Sarukui’s seventh book finally hits the stores, it becomes an instant best seller. It’s all everyone can talk about. 

Akaashi doesn’t allow any of their friends anywhere near Sarukui for an entire month and the two of them spend all their time being busy bees with promotions and signings and readings and interviews and Q&As and all that crazy boring shit Sarukui never really liked. 

He just wants to write stories, let him live. God. 

 

 

~

 

 

After four weeks of media madness and Hell, Heaven arrives. 

Heaven is the name of Washio’s pub and it’s all closed down for outsiders, because that’s where the crew throws Sarukui his grandiose book party. Biggest and best one yet. 

“I can’t believe you named your book “Cool”.” Bokuto hoots. “I thought it’d be like The Fox and The Monkey.” 

“Bokuto, you fucking birdbrain! A fable like that exists already!” Konoha smirks. “What? You guys think with my best friend a writer and my wife -ouch- my husband, darling husband, a publishing agent, I wouldn’t pick up on reading? Bitches, please.” 

“He’s lying, of course.” Akaashi rolls his eyes. “He only leafs through fashion magazines and only reads the articles that feature him. Oh no, wait. He _did_ read every single one of Sarukui-san’s books.” 

“Saru, your book is gold!” Yukie gushes. “I know I always say that, but I couldn’t put it down for a second! I got in trouble at work, but who cares, I just _had_ to finish it.” 

They all take turns telling Sarukui their favourite bits. 

“Remember that house party Bokuto threw during Junior Year?” Washio asks, smiling. “The only song we listened to for hours was Toto’s Africa!” 

“Oh my God, and what about all the magic tricks Tatsu used to do at lunch! I totally forgot all about those.” Komi throws his head back and roars in laughter. 

“Sarukui-san, I always thought it was Akinori-san that set off the fire sprinklers during assembly, but it was actually _you_.” 

“How dare you, honey, I was squeaky clean!” 

“Yeah, that one was entirely on me.” Sarukui admits. “I was baked like a cake and not at all prepared for our Speech and Debate class.” 

“I really wish I was at Fukurodani when you guys were doing Saru’s Mom.” Onaga says. “Kaori and I missed that.” 

“Taru, shut up! Nobody was doing my mom. Except... my dad, I guess.” Sarukui shudders. 

Konoha walks up to the jukebox and slaps it, smirking. “You guys know what this means, right?” 

“Kono, don’t- don’t- You guys please don’t- ugh.” Sarukui rubs his forehead as Konoha inserts a coin and they all break out in song. “You guys are the worst.” 

“If by worst you mean best.” Bokuto grins. 

“No, no, by worst I mean the actual fucking worst.” 

“Alright, alright, you kids had your fun, now settle down.” Konoha claps his hands together. “You know what time it is? It’s time for all of you to shut the fuck up, so I can give one of my cool speeches and make my best friend cry.” 

Everyone instantly zips up their traps and there’s grins all around, hands clutching their glasses at the ready. 

“Now. Saru’s book - his memoir - provided us all with hours of laughter and tears and if you guys don’t think that’s beautiful, then fuck you.” Konoha smirks as he walks back to his rightful place between Sarukui and Akaashi. “There’s lots of secrets he revealed in there and they weren’t all pretty, there were some mad ugly stuff in there, and you all know how much I fuckin’ hate ugly. Fucking Hell, Saru, man, I washed dad’s Lambo with rocks, and he calls me, 25 years later and cries again, yelling at me, because I blamed Kiko. Fuck! I was totally gonna tell him about it. But that’s what fucking deathbeds are for!” Konoha takes a sip of water, giving them all time to laugh. “I know we all expected to read some hooks up and nasty things, but Saru disappointed us all, didn’t he?” 

“It’s not _that_ kind of book, Kono.” Sarukui laughs. 

“True, true, very true. You know I’m fuckin’ yanking your chain, man.” Konoha winks. “No. The truth of the matter is, all those American girls and our sweet Fukurodani girls, and I can’t believe I’m actually gonna say this, but my shithead sister too, chose right. They chose right in loving Saru, because unlike the rest of us asswipe teenage dirtbags, he never, not once, bragged about the notches on his bedpost. We were all witnesses he got more ass than a toilet seat, but he always kept his mouth shut and he was the only one out of us all that didn’t kiss and tell. Very commendable, Saru, man. Let’s all drink to how kind and fuckin’ respectable he always was, yeah? Fuck yeah!” 

They all do. 

“If you guys think I’m done talking, fuck you, you’re wrong. Shut up and listen.” Konoha grins. “We were all there along Saru during his days in America, reading about Chicago and California and Miami and New York and Boston. God. The Red Sox still fuckin’ suck. I’m so fucking embarrassed for them.” 

“Akinori-san, we all know you like the Yankees, so please stop rambling about baseball, because nobody cares.” 

“Don’t interrupt my speech, sweetie. That’s really fuckin' rude.” Konoha half-smirks. “All of you stated your favourite parts of Saru’s memoir and now it’s my turn. Yeah, let me tell you all about it and listen closely, okay? I had a best friend once, you know.” He says. “I know it’s fuckin’ crazy, right? _Me_. Hard as that is to believe. He was kinda… he was a cool dude, real cool. Liked the same music as me, good at holding a conversation or two. Lotsa inside jokes, cool and real lame ones too. We spent a lotta time together, some of it good, some of it not so much, but hey, that’s life, right?” 

“Kono, what happened to him?” Sarukui asks. 

“Saru, man, I’m real glad you asked me that question, thank you for that. He sort of had to go away for a while and it was tough, I admit, it really was. While he was gone, he wrote a book about us. A fuckin’ book! So I didn’t get to stay sad for too long, because you know what? You guys are totally gonna love this, because this is the best part, okay?” Konoha says and he’s so happy. He squeezes Sarukui’s shoulder and the grip reaches all the way to the swelled knot in his heart, just right in there. “My best friend came back to me.” 

“You’re right, Kono. The ending’s the best part.” 


End file.
